An Undervalued Vacancy
An undervalued vacancy…
- Olya, we are all fed up with this perpetually dirty toilet. Hire a cleaner.
- I posted the vacancy on YY, paid for access to extended statistics on similar companies’ vacancies, automatic pop-ups for our offer, colouring our advert grey-brown-crimson (a choice from a non-standard palette comes free with the auto-pop-up), and marking it with a lily of the valley (I chose it myself). Applications: 0. - And? - A top expert|masterminder|1.2K|hashtag#career (in short, an expert in his field) roasted our ad in the “Plunger” episode of his glog on TheyBox. It turns out it does not pass the AVS — Auto Vacancy System. And our vacancy is undervalued: it does not engage candidates. We need to write a selling vacancy and build a buying spiral not only on YY (it no longer works), but on DividedOut (we are tracking the DBI — Distant Buying Index), PlasticWindow and various alleys on Radiogram, including ones hidden from everyone. This coach’s original 54-step method is available at the old price today; after that it goes up by 372.6%. We risk nothing, because full payment is due only after the candidate accepts. The advance is 99%. There is also a discount today: two hours to pay the last instalment instead of five. - Will we find a cleaner? - Only fraudsters give 100% guarantees. - Makes sense. Get on with it.
- This is the 47th stage of your dream journey to our company, not counting the scoring, testing, polygraph, genetic test and extended ancestry check. I will not repeat the stages: you have already taken an exam on them. Let us start with the dissertation you prepared for this stage, then move on to what you have learned in the three weeks since the previous stage. You must develop: we do not need amoebas.
- The Nimbus 3719-M Improved Mechanical Cleaning Device has several modes: demonstration, anti-gravity, boost, toilet-brush emulation, technical maintenance between calibrations, loading the floor plan, AI training, firmware-licence update, cooling charging cells, …
- This is a certificate for participating as a volunteer leader in a two-week Everest rubbish-clean-up drive. - This is a NACA certificate of pre-middle+A+-+ level, confirming my skill in moving through space using the reverse thrust of a vacuum-cleaning device. - This is a diploma certifying that I have lowered my squeamishness level, signed by the director of the central mega-dump in the town of Pust-Ugrobyinsk. - This is a certificate for completing the proto-programme “Sweeping It Under the Carpet” on effective actions before the tax inspector arrives. - This is a screening certificate from the anti-spy hypercourse “Not a Speck Out of the House”, certified by someone whose rank I am not allowed to disclose.
- Olya! What was that? - This candidate is an 83.62% match for the requirements in our vacancy — that is in the post-salad zone on the Markenson palette. Our DBI will drop if we … - OLYA! DBI will not clean the toilet! We need a CLEANER! - No one responds to that … - FUUUU…! - Should I not reply to the candidate at all, or write “overqualified”?
